Squad Rules

In last week’s post, What About Your Friends?, I discussed toxic friendships. In this post I’d like to share my personal squad rules.   

 My Squad Rules

1) Friends should affirm you not diminish you.  Friends can hold you accountable, but they should not crush your spirit.  (e.g. I can't support that decision vs. Don't blame me if you end up...).  Friend do not berate you for your mistake or throw them back in your face.

2) All My Friends do not have to get along.  Real like relationships aren't like Sex In the City or Friends.  We often meet our friends during different stages of our life and in different settings.  My friends have been around for varying lengths of times.  They all know me, but while they all have me in common, they may have nothing in common with each other.  That is fine.  While I expect my friends to be able to tolerate each other they don't need to be best buds.  I't's okay if they like each other and form friendships, but it is not a requirement for friendship.

3) One person does not have to fill all your friendship needs.  My friends all have qualities I love.  Think Girls Trip.  My squad includes Funny girl, Safe Space Girl, Mad as Hell Girl, Sage Wisdom Girl, and Woo-Woo-Woo Girl.  When I am struggling, I can call one of them to help me through. 

Funny Girl helps me to find humor in my missteps and life in general.  Safe Space Girl is exactly that, a safe space to be vulnerable without shame.  I know I can tell Safe Space Girl anything and she will not judge me or make me feel foolish. 

Mad as Hell Girl is who I call when I need to vent.  Occasionally Mad as Hell Girl will jump in with some angry words of her own.   I can say all the crazy, angry, stuff that pops in my head to Mad as Hell Girl and not worry about the police showing up at my door.  She also knows me well enough to know I will regain my composure eventually.

A word of caution.  Mad as Hell Girl is not the same as Help You Bury the Body Girl.  I'm not looking for someone to go to jail with or someone who will help me cover up a crime. All my girlfriends need to know right from wrong and none of them encourage behavior that will have adverse legal, emotional, or physical consequences.

Sage Wisdom Girl can be counted on to help me gain perspective on the situation.  She lets me rant but she doesn't follow me to anger town.  Sage Wisdom Girl holds me accountable for my part by not letting me off the hook.  She doesn't judge me, she just encourages me to clean up my side of the street.  She was also the one to help me chart a path out of my current me and to help me find the lessons. 

Woo-Woo-Woo Girl is based on the character Sinclair played by Kim Coles on Living Single.  Whenever one of her best friends was having a rough time Sinclair would walk towards them with open arms saying her catchphrase, "woo, woo, woo."  Woo, woo, woo was more than a catchphrase.  Woo, woo, woo meant I got you, it's gonna be okay, and I'm so sorry you are going through whatever you are going in through.  Woo-Woo-Woo girl is always ready with a warm hug, a kind word, and sometimes your comfort food of choice.  She can sense when you are going through.  She doesn't need you to explain your situation.  She's always got a hug ready and she smells like love...cookies and love. 

Some people are lucky enough to have one person who fills all those roles, but even the most dedicated best friend needs time out of rotation.  Best friend burnout is real.  Even Superman is part of a squad, and he's Superman.  The right squad can bring out the best in you and maybe even help you save the world.

4) Daily interactions are not required for a strong friendship.  Face it we are all busy with living life.  I love my friends, but daily communication is difficult on the best days.  I try to keep up with FB, Instagram, and other social platforms, but frankly most days I can't even keep up with the laundry.  That being said I do make a point to check in on my friends from time to time.

A text means I'm thinking about you, a meme means you are on my mind, a Facebook or Instagram like means I'm paying attention to what's going on in your life, and a phone call (though rare) means I haven't heard from you in a while and I want to make sure you or okay.  It could also mean I sensed something in our last conversation and I just want to check in.  As for me, I consider myself as a low maintenance friend.  Basically, if I have heard from you in the current year, and you have called to tell me to drop dead, I'll assume we are still good.

5) Friendship is a two-way street.  See Squad Rule #4.  Like I said friendships do not require daily interaction, but they do require some interaction.  The type of interaction depends on the preference of your squad members.  A Facebook post means nothing if they never check Facebook.  Also, not everyone is social media savvy.

Some folks are old school.  I'm talking Alexander Graham Bell, rotary dial, need to hear you breathing on the other end old school.  Granted their way may not be your way, but they are your squad and they put up with you so you should at least make an effort.

These are my rules.  I encourage everyone to develop their own.  For the next few posts I'm going to switch the conversation up a bit by talking about intimate relationships.  My next post, Baby It's Cold Outside?,  discusses consent, specifically what it is and what it isn't.

Here is a cool video illustrating friendship: 

You are my person, You will always be my person: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3d2Z_xoAJc

For the record, I’m not co-signing helping hide or drag a body.  I’m not THAT person. (you’ll understand when you watch the video.