Things My Recruiter Never Told Me
I have been frequently asked why I chose to enlist in the Marines, an organization that prides itself on consisting of "A few good men”? Actually, I joined the Marine Corps by accident. What I mean is I didn't plan to enlist in the Marine Corps. I planned to join the Air Force.
When I first thought about enlisting, I had my eyes firmly fixed on the Air Force. Unfortunately, my Air Force recruiter was more interested in bedding me than signing me up. I ended up in the Marine recruiter's office when I agreed to accompany a friend who was considering enlisting in the Marines.
When my friend and I walked into the recruiter office we were greeted by a caramel colored Marine Sergeant in his twenties. He looked amazing in his Blues – all spit-shined and polished. The creases in his pants were so sharp you could slice bread with them.
To say the recruiter impressed me is an understatement. The uniform plus the professionalism made enlisting in the Marines seem like a viable option. Still, the uniform wasn't enough to convince me. I hung out until my friend finished up, then grabbed my things and headed for the door. I had my hand on the doorknob when I heard the recruiter's voice.
"Leaving already?" he asked.
"Yeah, I've got stuff to do."
"Have you ever thought about joining the Marine Corps?"
"No, not really."
"Why not?"
Images darted through my head from the movie Full Metal Jacket. My mind rattled off answers - cause they are crazy, first to fight, first to die, and all that other shit. Besides, I heard their boot camp was off the hook, and I didn't want to come back looking like she-man. Their motto was A Few Good Men, and I wasn't in the market. Of course, I wasn’t going to say that. Instead, I said:
"I think I'd rather join the Air Force."
"The Air Force, you're kidding right. I mean they are all right, but we are the best. If you are going to join the military, don't you want to be part of an elite force?"
I thought about it. The Marines were an elite force. I recalled all the great Marine commercials I'd seen. The commercials made Marines seem like superheroes with their swords, climbing mountains and fighting mythical creatures. Then my mind flashed back to Full Metal Jacket and the "blanket party." The Marine in the movie killed himself rather than endure the torture of boot camp. I reminded myself that Full Metal Jacket was just a movie, a work of fiction, no more real than a Marine fighting a dragon. I turned around to face the recruiter.
"What about boot camp?" I said eyeing him suspiciously
"What about it?"
"I heard it's hard as hell?"
“Who told you that?”
Suddenly I felt foolish. I hadn’t actually heard that. Mostly I’d seen movies like Platoon and Full Metal Jacket.
The recruiter smiled. "It's mind over matter. Just remember, it's a mind game.
I gave him the stink eye.
Sensing my disbelief, he added, "Besides if you decide to enlist, you and your friend can go in the buddy program."
My friend's eyes seemed to light up at the thought.
"That would be awesome," she squealed. We’d ship out together. That way we'd end up in the same platoon. Maybe we'd even get stationed together."
She made it sound like sleep-away camp. The recruiter continued, "I know it's a lot to think about. You don't need to make a decision right now just take the information. One more thing. Your friend is taking the ASVAB this Saturday. I could sign you up."
"I don't know..."
"It's just a test...not a contract."
"Come on. Take it with me," my friend chimed in.
"Aww, what the hell...it's only a test."
Ironically, I can credit my Air Force recruiter for convincing me to enlist in the Marines. After I shared the encounter with the Air Force recruiter, I half-heartedly mentioned I was considering the Marines. My Air Force Recruiter looked me squarely in the eyes and said "You'll never make it. You'll cry the first time you get dirt under your nails." That next day I walked into the Marine office and signed up. By the way, my friend bailed on me at the last moment. She decided not to join, and I shipped off by myself.
Bootcamp was not like Full Metal Jacket. Well, for the most part. There was plenty of shouting and lots of physical exertion but without any of the cruelty and physical abuse depicted in the movie. Bootcamp was an adjustment. I was in decent shape, but I was nowhere near prepared for the amount of physicality boot camp required. I was even less prepared for the psychological aspects. Growing up in my Jamaican household had somewhat prepared me for the criticism doled out by the DIs. The part that challenged me the most was having to rely on the women in my squad.
I had sisters and girlfriend, but up until Bootcamp the women in my life were assigned at birth or chosen by me. In Bootcamp, I was forced together with women I'd never met before. We ate together, slept together, and trained together. We didn't always get along, but we had no choice but to make the relationship work because we were accountable to and for each other. If one of us failed, we all failed.
At the entrance to MCRD Parris Island, you will see the words, "We make Marines." The translation is "We will break you down in every way imaginable until you become a Marine. Bootcamp was hard. My mind was tested and so was my body, but it was also felt like a place of camaraderie when women Marines helped, supported, and uplifted each other. It was the place where I first began to feel like a Marine. On the day I graduated I didn't consider myself a woman Marine, I just considered myself a Marine.
Mind Games
Although Boot Camp was mentally taxing, mind game was not an accurate description of the Marine Corps Bootcamp experience. For me, the mind games began after I entered the fleet. The mind games came in the form of my male peers who stated WM didn't stand for women Marines, it stood for "Waste of Money" or worse yet "Walking Mattress." The mind games came when I started to internalize the negative messages I received and started labeling my fellow women Marines the same way.
It took me a while to fully come to terms with my identity as a woman Marine. Overall, I don't feel like the recruiter adequately prepared me for the realities of being a woman in the Marine Corps. Perhaps, it's because as a male his reality was very different from mine. I learned a lot during my time in the Corps including somethings about what it means to be a military woman.
You Will be Seriously Outnumbered
According to DOD figures, women only account for 15.5% of all active duty service members. This means military women live and work in environments where we are substantially outnumbered. Being outnumbered meant there were few options to get support or guidance from other military women and a shortage of female role models or mentors. It also meant having to rely on male leadership to effectively advocate for gender-specific issues and concerns. More times than not it meant first having to educated male leadership, most of which had little if no experience working with military women, about gender-specific issues and concerns. This is not a complaint, because it comes with the terrain, it is merely an acknowledgment of the challenges that come with being in the minority.
The good news is that our numbers are growing. The number active duty of military women has continued to grow in all branches, despite the fact that the numbers are on the decline for our male counterparts.
You Will Be Highly Visible
Before I left for Bootcamp one of the recruiters uttered words that surprised me. He said, "As pretty as you are, you should expect a parade procession in front of your door." I laughed it off. I doubted anyone would be flocking to my door. I wasn't exactly beating them back with a stick at my high school. I could not have been more wrong. The very first day I arrived I already at least three Marines (not counting those in my work section) offering to help show me around, buy me lunch, and take me shopping. By week's end, I had even more offers from numerous "helpful" Marines.
I grew up in NY so I was no stranger to unsolicited male attention, but in a matter of months, I had transformed from the girl next door to Beyoncé post Destiny's Child. By the end of my enlistment, I had been proposed to multiple times (twice by people I just met), offered thousands of dollars for sex, and stalked.
Once a married SgtMaj offered to buy me a boat if I would consent to be his mistress. I was even propositioned in the middle of my admin office by a staff sergeant in a scene reminiscent of the movie Indecent Proposal (the low budget version). I believe his exact offer was his entire paycheck for one night. I was humiliated but when I threatened to report him for sexual harassment my admin chief told me I needed to learn how to take a joke.
The scariest part was realizing male Marines knew about me way before I knew them. I'd go to the E-Club and they already knew what unit I was in. They knew when I was on duty. They even knew whether or not I had a boyfriend. It was as if some silent smoke signal went off telegraphing my every move. Besides being creepy as hell, this practice of alerting the welcome committee took away my privacy and made me feel like I was under a microscope.
Initially, I thought I was being paranoid but when I asked the guys in my office, they confirmed that women checking into a unit were headline news. Women Marines were like a rare species of unicorns so if one showed up word spread quickly. Still as bad as it was in my day, based on conversations with women currently serving, social media has made the problem far worse.
According to the military women I've spoken to the new practice is to look up military women's social media page to ferret out information. By the time a military woman has checked in it's likely that the men in here unit already know intimate details of her life. They may even have pictures of her downloaded on their computers.
Though I have no regrets, I admit my decision to enlist in the Marines was not well thought out. I joined the Marines because I was attracted to the image strength, discipline, and structure. I had not understood that being a woman in what is typically considered a man's world came with its own challenges. I ultimately decided to leave the military after my first enlistment. My decision to leave was based in part on a desire to go to college full time. I have no regrets about leaving either. Despite the challenges I encountered I feel like the Marine Corps taught me valuable lessons about myself. I learned that I am stronger than I thought I was and most importantly I learned I am not a woman Marine, I am a Marine...period.
They (Women Marines) don't have a nickname, and they don't need one. They get their basic training in a Marine atmosphere, at a Marine Post. They inherit the traditions of the Marines. They are Marines.
—LtGen. Thomas Holcomb, 17th CMC, 1943
The Fewer, the Proud
In my next post, Am I My Sister's Keeper?, I discuss what I learned about being a woman in the military.
DISCLAIMER: All charts and figures were taken from the 2016 Department of Defense (DoD), Office of the Deputy Assistant Secretary of Defense for Military Community and Family Policy Data and support for the report was provided by the Defense Manpower Data Center staff who provided ODASD (MC&FP) report published under contract with ICF - https://www.icf.com/services/human-capital-management-and-training
To view a copy of this report please visit: https://download.militaryonesource.mil/12038/MOS/Reports/2016-Demographics-Report.pdf
US Military Demographics:
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